My daughter is 9 and she is the oldest. We put a lot of responsibility on her. She is expected to help out around the house and take care of her younger sisters. I want her to act mature and responsible. Then yesterday I found my self wishing she would go back to her little self and stop growing up. I worry I pushed her into this world of being a woman way to fast and now I want her to go straight to her room and play with her dolls.
Yesterday my daughter came into the office while I was trying to figure out my new computer to simply ask me a question. Being a mom I tend to notice things.....lets say that her dad might not notice. I saw two straps tied around her neck and instantly recognized the dress up bikini top her grandparents brought back to her along with a grass skirt from one of their recent trips to Hawaii. An alarm started going off in my brain. I knew why she was wearing it. The other day in Walmart she was begging me for a bra. She is pretending it is a bra. Trying to act cool I said "what wearing there Missy...I mean what's under your shirt." "Just a bra," then she walked coolly out of the room.
I tried to shake it off but inside my mommy brain my neurons were firing. I wanted to make her take it off. I wanted her to stop wanting to wear a bra. How was I going to change her mind that she is still a little kid. She is only nine! She has no boobs and no need for a bra. What has happened to my baby girl. Then I had the overwhelming thought that I was the cause of this. Maybe I pushed her to grow up to fast. I never let her where Dora shirts or bought her shirts with a Frozen character on it. I never let her have the backpack or shoes with the weird Disney character on them because I thought it was tacky.....maybe that is what pushed her over the edge into this exploration of teenage hood. I waited till she was nine to let her have an American Girl doll for Heavens sake!! I created a monster....I stole her innocence by expecting too much or denying her those little kid pleasures.....stupid Tinker Bell!!!
Then after a few minutes I started thinking logical again. As much as I want to take my baby to Never land and keep her young and innocent forever, that is just not possible. The bra was a wake up call. My baby is changing into a young lady and I have to change with her. I have still haven't had the sex talk because of my fear of taking a piece of her innocence. She still believes in Santa and she hasn't even questioned the Tooth fairy yet....even though her tooth was left under her pillow for two weeks before the Tooth Fairy remembered to do his job!
Ready or not I must embrace the future. A future of begging for a two piece swimsuit, makeup, begging for a cellphone, big girl underwear, sex talks, periods, hormones, bossiness and being boy crazy. I must remember I am not my daughter. I did not start wearing a bra till eighth grade. Makeup came after high school and wanting a boyfriend came in college. Sometimes I wonder why God gave me all girls....Today she had on that same "bra" and wanted to wear it under her church dress. I told her to take it off and she could wear it when she got home, which she did. This is just the beginning, merely a small drop of water in this sea of life. At the end of the day I just pray that I will do my best to raise strong confident girls who love who they are and can see their self worth. Daughters who are better then I am, stronger, smarter, kinder, more loving, and grateful. So the next time she wants something a little childish I will probably give in.
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